Ever since my mom passed away I’ve been looking (waiting) for signs from her, especially these past few months during my struggle with cancer and chemotherapy.
In a dream, perhaps, or in another form, I wanted (needed) to hear her voice tell me— like she always used to while she caressed my face— that “όλα θα είναι καλά” (everything’s going to be ok).
It’s so fitting that these signs came this week— not in the form of a dream or a vision, but in random incidents that many might consider coincidence. Not me. Because I knew my mom.
Several years ago, an incident took place at the church I was born and raised, in my hometown of Pittsburgh. The local parish priest deemed me unworthy to take Holy Communion.
As a result, I hadn’t been to a Greek Orthodox Church Service (other than my mom’s funeral) in many years and walked away from the faith and traditions that my mom and dad struggled so hard to raise me in.
I fought my mom on this— always. She insisted that the priest was wrong and I shouldn’t let him tear me away from the Church.
On several occasions, she told me about the story from the Old Testament called the Hospitality of Abraham and reminded me that “all are welcomed at God’s table.”
This past week, at the (constant, yes nagging) encouragement of my friend and spiritual father Bishop Demetrios— who flew all the way from Chicago last December to commune me the day after my surgery— I attend Holy Wednesday services at St George in Manhattan.
It was a tiny, unimposing, humble church in the middle of Manhattan’s bustling chaos and only a few blocks from my apartment. It was the perfect place for me to attend the services and receive Holy Unction, the oil that Orthodox Christians believe is anointed for healing. The good Bishop knew what he was talking about, I guess…
As I entered the church and lit a candle, I looked up and saw a beautiful icon of the Hospitality of Abraham with a dedication to the late Ric Sweezy, who was the husband of a friend of mine, Nick Scandalios.
The beautiful irony, I thought— being “welcomed” into a Greek Orthodox Church after so many years by an icon of the Hospitality of Abraham— which was dedicated by a man to his beloved husband— years after being reminded by my late mother that despite what my parish priest believed, “everyone was welcomed at the table of God.”
If this wasn’t a sign from my mom, I don’t know what was.
Fast forward to Good Friday evening, where I attended Lamentation Services at Kimisis Tis Theotokou Church in Southampton, New York. I had been invited by Fr Alexander Karloutsos to spend the weekend away from the city and in the serenity of the Hamptons.
I’ve been lucky to be under the “spiritual” care of Fr Alex since he welcomed me at the Archdiocese several months ago and offered a blessing for my health in the chapel. Since then, he— like Bishop Demetrios— have been pulling me closer and closer back to Church.
While at Kimisis Church, I was immediately taken back to my childhood years in Pittsburgh, at Holy Trinity, where I sat year after year in church singing the “lamentations” in front of Christ’s beautiful-adorned tomb and waiting patiently for the candlelit procession outside.
Η ζωή εν τάφω, κατετέθης, Χριστέ… Άξιον εστί μεγαλύνειν σε τον Ζωοδότην… We sang, loudly from the top of our lungs, together with the entire congregation, tracing the life and steps of the Passion of Jesus so vividly through these hymns.
Αι γενεαί πάσαι, ύμνον τη ταφή σου, προσφέρουσι, Χριστέ μου. I cried like a baby at that stanza, which translates roughly to “Every generation offers adoration my Christ, at Your entombment.”
As a kid, I would watch with starry-eyed amazement as my mom remembered stanza after stanza, singing so passionately and lovingly in front of Christ’s Tomb.
Her “adoration” of Christ during these services taught me so much about respect, about dignity and about the importance of these traditions being passed… from every generation in the past… to every generation in the future.
At that particular moment while crying and trying to follow along, all the while thinking about my mom— I looked up to the ornately decorated dome of the church and saw— an icon of St John the Theologian, the saint my mother (Ιωαννα or Joann) was named after.
The icon was directly above my head— watching over me, giving me a gaze and that look that “everything’s going to be OK.”
Thanks mom. Signs received. I miss you.
18 comments
Christos Anesti, I too have become distant with the church My late parents helped build our church with sweat and devotion. Last year around this exact time I was in Tarpon Springs and attended Sunday services at the Cathedral and for some reason I wept almost the entire time. Come to find out it was mine and my late Dad’s Name Day his favoritte day of the year. Then after church we went to a small beach and sure enough the big sponge boat named George came by, it was if it was Dad saying he was proud of me going to church and celebrating our name day. No one can tell me any differently but I believe if you look around and you notice and you listen they are still with us. Your Mom is watching over you and making sure you will be OK, but you already know that because you were with her spirit in church.
I am happy you feel welcomed again in the church, everyone should feel that way!
Christos Anesti!
Welcome Home Gregory!✝️
What a heart warming story!! My mom used to say, “don’t worry about the priest and the politics of the church; communicate directly with God, as it is He who resides in your heart!; the priest is just a person who has his own limitations and follows the rules”. I loved your story, because I believe your mom was looking over you indeed. Thank you for sharing. Brought tears to my eyes . Have an outstanding day, as you absorb her love, and what occurred recently
Amazing! Thank you for sharing this experience.
Χριστός Ανέστη, Γρηγόρη,
This was a very moving article to read. I married a beautiful, kind and deeply faithful wife from Pittsburgh’s Holy Cross community many years ago. It is wonderful to see that you are being offered loving spiritual guidance from your spiritual father(s). Having recently lost my mother (also very full in faith), I feel your yearning for some signs as well. Do we really need such signs, however, when our mothers’ memory is invoked every day as we lead our lives in ways that would make them very proud? With Christian love from Toronto, Canada.
Awesome and moving article, WELCOME BACK
Christos Anesti!!! Beautiful article. Your mom is right. Everyone IS welcomed at the table of God. And, just like a perfect, Greek Orthodox Mama, she was relentless , until you learned that lesson. Yes, welcome back!
Your mom is always with. you. That was was touching.
Growing up in Chicago I went to Holy Trinity in Chicago! Went to school there, Socrates Greek and American School. Went to school there, church services, and got married there. Didn’t really care for the priest cause when i went for confession i was slapped for saying i stole my moms nylons. From what l see all churches it’s all about money! Holy Trinity was going through some financial issues. It needed help to be saved so the bank wouldn’t take. Someone helped the church financially now the big guy in New York wants to shut it down! My question is return that money that this person who saved the church! Some of these priest live very lavishly! Their salaries are ridiculous too high! I feel the churches are there to take peoples hard earned money! That’s ashame!
What a blessing! I’m sooooo happy your beloved Mom sent you these hugs from Heaven. Best wishes for your continued recovery and restoration to full health. Thank you for sharing your story.
God bless you Greg….this was a truly beautiful story. I am in the same boat…shunned from attending the only church I’ve ever attended because I married my husband outside of our own faith. We’ve baptized all three kids in the our Greek orthodox church and yet I’m somehow not allowed to take communion. My sweet mom still watches me from above and prays for my family.
Your article moved me beyond words. We all carry the loss of loved ones. May you dear Mother’s guiding presence be with you always.
Your story moved me tremendously, having lost my own mother less than a year ago myself. Like all Greek mothers she was devoted heart and soul to her family, her Faith and her Culture. My mother was an ardent reader and loved to memorize and collect famous Ancient Greek proverbs to teach us at the appropriate time whenever the situation would arise. She often quoted verses from the Bible as well. The valuable lessons received from such loving spirits are, indeed. Immeasurable. A little before she got ill and I was feeling personally defeated, she turned to me and said one of my favorite biblical quotes: ” ΕΧΕΙ Ο ΘΕΟΣ.” I knelt down and hugged kissed her, so comforting where those words to my ears. Several months later, whenever I face a personal life challenge, I whisper those very words to myself for instant hope and uplifting, and of course, to bring forth my mother’s memory.
Your mother was definitely instrumental in the situations you describe. May you live a long life with her memory eternal. ΧΡΙΣΤΟΣ ΑΝΕΣΤΗ!!!
I felt the same way as you did and only recently I discovered Buddhism through which I have lost my anger, fears and anxieties and I now have compassion for all living beings.
Dear Greg,
Hristos Anesti!
The summation of your journey with our faith is very moving. I take comfort for you in seeking the signs, being open to them, and then noticing them with all your heart and soul. I believe your mum has always been with you.
Bless you dear Greg.
Warmest regards Eugenia x
Your love for your mother is palpable, as is her love for you–a love that is still very much alive today, despite her passing. Thank you for this.
Your article moved me beyond words. We all carry the loss of loved ones. May you dear Mother’s guiding presence be with you always. Cinecalidad
Greg sorry for your illness, I’m just perplexed
why you’d mention Fr. Alex has invited you over
his Hamptons house for a weekend?
We all know Karloutsos is buddies with disgraced
Metropolitan Emanuel of France & his gay sex orgies. Why do you think Emanuel is still not excommunicated or defrocked?
Fr Alex connections!
Rumors flying “Mr. Karloutsos” a married Orthodox priest & Vicar General of Archdiocese is in truth a closet homosexual & actively homosexual with many gays including some billionaire gay man Michael Huffington!